Arsene holds appraisal with Olivier Giroud

Best all-round CF in the PL, Giroud bags two more goals! Thanking The Guardian for picture.

Best all-round CF in the PL, Giroud bags two more goals! Thanking The Guardian for picture.

Ehhh Ollie, comment ca va?

Bien, Arsene….. ah well, I am not totally happy? Et vous?

I am full of vavavoom, Ollie, never felt any younger in my life! So, we are here today to do your seasonal appraisal. How do you think you performed this season?

Je suis confused, Arsene. The fans sing my song, tu sais, la ‘nananananana Geeeeeeeeeerououou’ one, and I feel the love, but then I read the blogs and so many of the fans say they want a better striker than me; that we cannot win the league as long as I am the main guy up front.

Mais Ollie, do not read the blogs, they are full of merde and ball-logues. Who has more minutes between goals/assists, you or the gangster at the Chavs?

You mean Costa? Me, bien sur.

Aah, you are wrong, you are better than Costa: you – 92 minutes between goals or assists, Costa 104 minutes….. But the Chavis ugly and that is his advantage!

Oelala, Arsene, c’est un statement! But what do you mean with ‘ugly advantage’?

C’est vrai, Ollie, you are a good CF and a brilliant holding CF: don’t forget that, ever!! We come to the advantage, or in your case disadvantage, in a bit…

But Aguero; they all want Augero instead of me, Arsene.

You are comparing pommes with pairs, Ollie. You need to compare yourself with fake hairy Shrek, Costa, Dzeko,  and who plays up-front at the Spuddies again?

Kane?

Qui, Kane. He needs slapping, or should I say Kaning, hahaha 🙂 You, a goal or assist every 92 minutes and 0.66 goals per game: c’est marvellieux! Costa: 104 min/0.64; Kane: 91 min/0.7; Shrekski 151 min/0.42 and what about Van J….., here it comes: 176 min/0.37. So only the Spud is ever so slightly better than you, and look where they ended up again this season…. le shadow d’Arsenal! 🙂

And we already have our own Aguero anyway: Alexis. What a first season he has had, and next season, he will be right up there with the diminutive Argentinian, you wait et vue!

I am starting to feel better, Dr Arsene, hahaha 🙂

Ollie, let’s look at your objectives for last season:

  1. Be the pivot: hold on to the ball, improve your first touch, allow the midfield to come forward, create space for others, be a constant goal threat: a tres big TICK! What is the song again by that woman.. Simon…. Nobody does it better – sing that to yourself when you are doubting yourself again!
  2. Be mobile and help spread the play across the front-line, helping to set up attacks as much as being there to finish them: BIEG, FAT, THICK. You are a team player, Ollie, and very hard to defend against: that is why you score or assist in every 92 minutes, garcon de moi.
  3. Score goals and produce assists: see 2. Oelalala, Ollie, BIEG, BIEG, TICK! 🙂
  4. Be the first wall in defence: 0.8 clearances and 1 tackle in every game. Je suis satisfied..BIEG TICK
  5. Keep your sausage out of les belles? Well?

Arsene, c’est prive, hahaha.

Ollie, you should be happy: you met all your objectives, you have a lovely girlfriend, you play for the best club in the world, earn tons of pounds and you will be my main man up-front again next season. Nanananananananana Geeeeroud!

But Arsene, why do the fans not see it as you do?

Do you want me to tell you, Ollie?

Mais oui!

Well, Ollie you’re a holding CF at the best club in the world..

Yes?

You play an often thankless role, which many of the dumkopfs don’t understand…. And…

Yes, come on Arsene!

Tu est fecking handsome, which is your disadvantage.

Je ne comprend pas, Arsene! Yes I am a compliment to myself, but how is that a disadvantage?!

Aah, the fans are jealous, Ollie: you have it all and they cannot stand it… if you were an ugly sod like le shrek or le Chav, everybody would love you. You work hard, you love the fans, you are successful but you are not one of them. That is the price you pay for beauty; and it is good… it keeps you down to earth, which you need.

Merde, merde, Arsene this is deep stuff.

Now Ollie, let’s set you some new objectives……hmmmm….same as last season, but a little bit more. You are now entering your best career years and I am going to get you another top attacker on the right side. You are once again the Hub that creates space for others and allow the midfield to move into the attacking area; you occupy defenders, which creates space for Alexis, Ozil, Rambo or Jack and ANother to create and score goals, and you produce assists and pre-assists. Stay fit, keep away from the female temptations and give your all! Thank you, Ollie, have a great summer!

But Arsene, what about goals: you did not set me a target?!!

Ah Ollie, just enjoy yourself next season, focus on the rest and the goals are a bonus!!

But the fans, Arsene, the fans want me to score lots and lots of goals!!!

Yes Ollie, live with it!

By: TotalArsenal.

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57 Responses to Arsene holds appraisal with Olivier Giroud

  1. steve says:

    “You are comparing pommes with pairs, Ollie.”
    Well can you believe it, that’s exactly what i am doing TA 🙂 and i have come to the decision i would rather see a full set of pommes like Barca’s front three and win… well… everything lol. Rather than keep trying to mix the pommes and the pairs together like we do atm.

    You are correct when you say:
    “And we already have our own Aguero anyway: Alexis”
    One pomme down now two more to go 🙂

    Ollie can free up more time to check his hair on the bench until he is needed for a change in tactics etc, but don’t you think we should be striving to emulate the type of football that the upper echelons of european football play, the type of shit we once used to play? Henry to Giroud is not in any way a progression in my book, but the guy does a job and probably the best job of all in that role, but its just a level below what we could be playing imo

    Nice post though mate

  2. Neeraj says:

    This is by far the most entertaining post I have read in quite a few months.
    Great Effort TA.

  3. TERRY MANCINI HAIR TRANSPLANT says:

    hahaha excellent TA.

    I couldnt agree more with you. The stats speak for themselves, Giroud is a vital cog in our armoury

    I recall before the Dormund game TA you mentioning that our slow start would be washed away once Giroud returned. I wasnt convinced, even questioning if you should have had that second hashish joint and that perhaps you were in need of a toilet, but you were spot on

    A big man is needed. Unless your Barca, you need power as an option. The only reason chelsea won the league, apart from cheating and the display of unethical, immoral, and henious tactics un befitting of a gentleman, was the fact Giroud was injured and Dzeko didnt play enough games for City.

    Yes Giroud is good looking and a terrible Ponce, but been a Ponce is the natural birthright of all good upstanding Frenchmen.

    Good looking Bastards like you and I understand the dreadful curse and burden of Le Sexiness Frank. Constantly judged on our pretty face and rippling torso. Many time clients have doubted my ability to compute VAT tax “Your to good looking to calculate that tax Terry,you should be sending women wild by stripping in a vat of marmalade instead”

    I dont know what the big deal is anyway? Giroud is a very important member of the “squad”. He has to fight for his place just like every body else.

    Theres no point running away from his qualities or getting to excited or anxious about his flaws and weaknesses. This is what puts women off. Coming over as needy, insecure, etc over Giroud will only reduce womens attraction for you.

    Appreciate Giroud like TA and I, and not only will women you thought were out of reach grow attraction for you, they will come running to you.

  4. Gerry says:

    Ha ha, TA – I was musing whilst I was reading that as to who the author was ….

    I knew it was TA’s arguments, but not too sure until I read this ..
    ‘dumkorfs’
    That just had to be you, as nobody with a smattering of French would use that word if they were English or American(as my thoughts were straying to HT as a possible writer). No it had to be German … or Dutch?
    ‘Idiot!’ – Same spelling in French and English,btw.

    Your arguments are sound though, but I would argue not to the exclusion of Steve’s alternative of speed and movement. We need both.
    When I got to Terry’s comment, I mis-read a line and I thought it was still Steve’s … ‘Giroud is the the clog in our armoury’ 😀

    There will be times in the coming season when we simply haven’t the personnel to do the ‘run run’ thing week in week out. So we do need what Giroud brings to the table, and occasionally, a blend of the two.
    You mention A.N. Other TA as part of Giroud’s redemption in the eyes of some, and I agree. I think I saw the very player last night … if we were prepared to be bold and make a big money bid. Say £45m for Kevin D B?
    Two foot player that can whip balls in at pace with either peg, and always likely to add a few goals himself. He could double Giroud’s goal tally in minutes. Not just Giroud either. Anyone of our front line who is prepared to gamble on decent crosses coming in, so he would fit in with Plan A or Plan B.

    Of course that might be wishful thinking to think we could sign him, as Man city are reported to be readying a £30m bid, and they could go higher? But he is probably a better fit than Pogba, and less expensive than Bale … if we are shopping in the high end of the market?

    I have already said that Tevez, if he does not renew his contract, could be interesting as someone to hover in and around the box, helping create space for others, as well score himself. Again, a doubt as to his willingness to return to the PL though.

    Did you have anyone in mind TA?

    Mind you, my thinking largely depends on the Walcott saga ending any time soon. Time to give him a take it or leave it offer, as long as we are certain we have a replacement on board.

    You can stop reading at this point TA …

    There is an awful lot of repeated talk from Wilshere on the blogs this morning. One could almost think he is getting his defence out first because there HAS been talk with AW of
    him moving on?
    Personally, I think it is a possibility the club should seriously entertain.
    My reason for this is, we have players who are playing his position rather well, and more importantly, fit the rest of the squad better. With his injury record, he is not going to be a player you can count on for a full season of games, and I think he is a luxury we can afford to cash in on right now.
    Clearly I think AW put the seeds of doubt in his mind by not starting him in the Cup Final, and if they are contemplating letting Gibbs go, another academy success, then he has every right to be a little worried.
    Now you bleeding hearts that want Arsenal to do the treble, nay the quadruple, don’t come bleating to me about him being ‘a gunner through and through’. It isn’t going to count if replacements for WS1 and KG2 are being looked at. You want success, then we need a strong squad where every one can make a difference, and if that means replacing favourites, TOUGH!
    Mind JW does not endear himself to me with conflicting statements like, ‘I learn from my mistakes’ and ‘I won’t change’. There is a thing called ‘adapting your play’ JW? Take a look at Coquelin.
    Bottom line is, if Ramsey is the current option in one of Jack’s positions, and a new DM might reduce that for both, and Ozil and Cazorla are the preferred choices in his other option, and he has not the discipline to play elsewhere …AND the possibility of an ISCO type coming in, he is the luxury we do not need. Not only that, Walcott and him would help fund the purchase the players, or ‘player types’ I have mentioned above?
    We all talk of what price failure, how about what price are you prepared to pay for success?

    Sorry to digress TA, but if people are quick to cast Giroud aside, then I just cast the net a little wider?

  5. JM says:

    “newsflash” in transfers (non-Arsenal) round-up & related around Europe (ending 2nd week of June 2015):

    (1) Jackson Martinez (CF) from Porto to AC Milan for £30.8M.
    (2) Andre Gomes (CM) from Benfica to Valencia for £13.2M. (from loan to perm. deal)
    (3) Aleix Vidal (RW) from Sevilla to Barcelona for £15.0M. (only joining in Jan 2016, after transfer ban is lifted for Barcelona)
    (4) Andre Ayew (LW) from Marseille to Swansea. (free)
    (5) Adel Taarabt (2ndS) from QPR to Benfica. (free)
    (6) Ravel Morrison (AM) from unattached to Lazio. (free)
    (7) Cristian Manea (RB) from FC Viitorul to Chelsea for £2.6M.
    (8) Adam Bogdan (GK) from Bolton to Liverpool. (free)

    Expect more deals to be finalised after the Euro qualifiers.

    ==============

  6. allezkev says:

    Great post Total…

    Humorous but with serious points to make…

    Can Arsenal win the EPL with Giroud leading our attack?
    Not sure, but we came quite close last season, and you could argue that we lost it when Oliver was missing due to injury early in the season.

    As for Arteta, being an intelligent man, I’m sure that he brings that intelligence to his coaching.

  7. TotalArsenal says:

    Thanks Steve. Arsene moved on from that football years ago. The Giroud role is key in his plan and once he has the balance right – with a quality all round attacker on the right – it will come to full fruition. Get the midfielders to score more as well and it’s time for sunglasses.

  8. TotalArsenal says:

    Nice to see you back prince of Western India. How’s life treating you? 🙂

  9. TotalArsenal says:

    Gerry, Arsene is from the Alsace and like me fluent in German… 🙂

    Re Der Jack… We all now know that you don’t approve of him. Most of us realise that he is young and finding the balance between being responsible and ‘alive’ and are more forgiving. Maybe you should give it a rest for a bit now. 🙂

  10. TotalArsenal says:

    Allezkev, it’s about balance and spreading the goals when the inform players hit a drought. We have Alexis and Ollie, we need two more regular scorers from midfield and the right. Ramsey and Theo come to mind and we need more goals from Mesut…. And let’s buy a beast on the right.

  11. TotalArsenal says:

    Gerry, I like all suggested players, but feel that Bale would be the greatest coupe of all.

  12. JM says:

    Gareth Bale & Thomas Müller will consider to be upgrades in regards to having the mythical beast on the right.

  13. steve says:

    I’m with you on the attacker on the right TA, but i’m off the strict mind it needs to be a left footer who can cut in the same way Sanchez can on the right, but they are rare as rocking horse shit. All i can come up with is Bale, who wont move here and Patrick Roberts who is too young atm, any suggestions anyone??

    Silva – Sanchez understudy (on the left)
    Gnabry – the same
    Walcott – has speed not skills to beat a man so the middle is better suited than the wing, its where he wants to be anyway.
    Welbeck – probably the best mixture of Giroud, Walcott and Sanchez we have bar Akpom who is still a bit young. He is fast, strong and tall, can beat a man with tricks and skills much better than Theo but still needs to get his finishing sorted and would prefer the middle i would have thought.

    We tried and failed with Campbell so now the only option i can think of is Podolski, but this imo is the area we need to strengthen – and unlike any other area in which i could come up with countless suggestions this area i am at a loss, anybody got player suggestions to have a little scouting fun?

  14. Retsub says:

    Tres Bien TA cest magnifique post, nice to add a little humour.. Unfortunately players like Ollie will always attract bad press because of his lack of pace. Given the nature of his game I think he compensates for lack of pace. I can’t think of anyone more deadly at the front post than Ollie with his left peg. Where I think he can improve is the use of his standing leg. From memory he missed at least three chances against Monaco which fell to his right leg.

    As long as Theo stays fit, we have different options up front. Personally I am not impressed by Welbeck, give me Theo every time.

    And finally a small joke for Monsieur Giroud. Ollie. A French cat called un deux triois and an English cat called one two three had a swimming race, who won? Well the English cat of course because un deux triois quatre cinq . Well the kids like it anyway

  15. TotalArsenal says:

    Terry, totally forgot to say nice to see your comment and all agreed. 🙂

    Steve, Bellerin can do the cutting in but I don’t feel we need a left footer. It would be nice though.

    Nice joke Retsubster 🙂

  16. steve says:

    I didn’t bother reading the article but with a headline like:

    “Giroud pain as France striker touches the ball just 13 times (less the Lloris!) before being subbed at half-time in dismal defeat to Albania”

    Do you think its time for another moral boosting chat already?? 🙂

  17. JM says:

    “Olivier Giroud stat pack: One half, nine passes & less touches than Lloris as France crumble in Albania”
    “Failing for club and country – Cavani strikes out under spotlight once more”
    ————————————————————————————————–
    “Four-minute treble sends Lewandowski top of scoring charts”
    “Cristiano Ronaldo stat pack: Three shots, three goals as Portugal captain leads by example”
    “Schurrle nets hat-trick in easy victory”

  18. TotalArsenal says:

    Very cheap, one dimensional journalism, JM and Steve.

    Ollie outperformed Lewandowski’s and Schurle this season, and we all know that gorgeous Ron is a different kind of Attacker, and a different class.

  19. TotalArsenal says:

    Schurle 192 minutes between goals and assists and 0.17 goals per game this season

  20. TotalArsenal says:

    Lewandowski….. 107 and 0.58.

    So there you go. Accept that he is handsome and start supporting our all round attacking beast, UMFs 🙂

  21. allezkev says:

    Total, it’s strange the way the tiny minds of football journalists work, or not as the case may be.

    They’ll big up Peter Crouch, probably because he is English and is supposed to be a good mover on the dance floor.

    And then the same twerps will rubbish Giroud, probably because he is French and has a fashionable haircut…

  22. JM says:

    You want minutes per goal stats, there will always better players than Olivier.

    There’s Messi & C.Ronaldo. Then there’s Aguero, Ibrahimovic, Neymar in the minutes/goal rating.
    Giroud’s good, there are better players out there, just not wearing our colours.

    “All round attacking beast?” …. My F***King A**e. The closest we have in our squad of an A.R.A.B. is Alexis Sanchez.

    Don’t put a mere mortal as Giroud into the pedestal of a God or a King of football.

  23. JM says:

    My last comment is not taking a dig at Giroud. The same applies to every member of our team, Alexis, Ozil, Walcott, Welbeck, Coquelin, Koscielny, Ospina, Bellerin, The Ox …. and the generations to follow

    It is a challenge to all, they want to be the best in the business, everyone has to arrive at the same page, improve on and maintain a high level in their performance & consistency week in, week out.

    They want to be the top dogs in their positions they are playing, they will have to rise to the bigger occasions when our team requires of them. They will have to overcome the best players they are playing against, the Messis/Ronaldos; the Mascheranos/Busquets; the Chiellinis/Ramos; the Neuers/Courtois and eventually usurp the positions as the best of the best, which shall make our team, The Arsenal, to become the No.1 team (taking over from the big three: Real, Barca, Bayern, in the process) in the world as well.

    That is what our club should strive for in both the footballing and non-footballing (commercial revenue, supporter community etc) world.

  24. TotalArsenal says:

    Hah, JM, it is for fantasy football fans like you, I write posts like these. It is clear, from your penultimate comment, that you still don’t get it and you probably never will.

  25. steve says:

    I think i had better just say quickly that my comment was only a light hearted joke, aimed to link a little bit to the original post. I’m not taking the result or performance of one game (an international at that) as some kind of judgement for Girouds abilities pmsl 😆 (not even i’m that crazy or harsh lol)
    Strikers are a bit like goal keepers in respect to when they have a slightly off day its very easy to see and highlight, buts its one game lol, no complaints from me, anyway its the style of play Giroud induces into our game not his skills and ability that i have a problem with – just thought it would make a good link with the post (needed another “pick me up” chat) – maybe not hugely funny but it was the best i could do for gods sake lol

  26. TotalArsenal says:

    Yes Allezkevski. Just imagine you have a job in which you have to write something all the time against deadlines. Giroud is unwittingly a good subject provider, as these lazy twits cannot think of anything else. Clearly, it had some fellow bloggers picking it up! 😉

  27. TotalArsenal says:

    Yes Steve, I respect that point about Ollie. Let’s see what Arsene does this summer to get the right hand in our attack stronger; and with Ollie in his best years, I reckon it will work even better. It might even get more fast and exciting for you. Just remember to play fast and furious football, we do not need everybody to be fast… it is all about balance, creating space and using is to the max.

  28. steve says:

    2 screamers!! 🙂

    Super,
    Super Jack,
    Super,
    Super Jack,
    Super,
    Super Jack,
    Super Jackie Wilshere!!!

    Come on sing it with me Gerry!!!
    😆 😆

  29. TotalArsenal says:

    Very mature performance by Jack and what a couple of goals! Super Jack indeed. 🙂

  30. steve says:

    Theres been a little something for everyone this week TA, i think i read that Ozil got himself a trio of assists in Germany’s high scoring win, Jack shows the haters what he’s all about and atm Santi is doing his thing and not looking out of place one bit in a star studded Spain team – happy days!! 🙂

  31. steve says:

    Oh i forgot to mention Ramsey who helped Wales beat Belgium – quite amazing win

  32. TotalArsenal says:

    Unfortunate game for Gibbs though, which he got away with, but won’t help him long term I reckon. His final ball in the box lacks focus or is it sharpness, and the second equaliser did not make him look good either.

  33. steve says:

    Gibbs will be fine TA, once he gets back to Arsenal Monreal can advise him how to turn shite left back performances into good ones and he can hopefully take that experience into future games for England. 🙂

  34. allezkev says:

    Playing for England is a thankless task…

    Jack is the hero now, but it won’t last, same with Theo, all those tossers in the Press bigging him up were the same ones slagging him off not long ago…

    Gibbs will be fine, I just wanna see all our players return from all these endless internationals, fit and healthy for next season…

  35. Gerry says:

    So little activity while I’ve been recovering. Really long day on Saturday after collecting one of my dogs from the vets – serious operation, recovering nicely – Then I collapse in a heap with a fever, spent the whole of yesterday in a darkened room swirling around in a fog of my own making. No computer, no telly.

    What do I find on here? A handful backing to and fro about the merits of Giroud.
    Obviously you are missing my post length comments to get your braincells working? 😀

    Steve@ 13:54 Oh ye of little memory, or selective reading … I gave you KDB (he of Wolfsburg) a little earlier, as the player who can whip crosses in with his left, and fizz them in with his right.
    A tad expensive I admit, as to get him we would bust our record for a new player. But he ticks the boxes, and is our style of player, given he can operate across the front line. We do need someone to perform on the left, should Alexis ever get an injury?

    A little while back I mention another who might be the part. Young, but cheaper, and similar attributes. I will only refer to him as ‘Cornetto’, as there has been no further mention of him.

    So as your quartet did not come up with anything in a day and a half, I feel my job is done.

    I must avoid another fever bout in case I start singing in my delirium …. How does that song go again?

  36. Xavier says:

    This was a really beautiful post TA. From the first line I figured it’ll be you. You know I’m a giroud fan so I mostly agree with you. I think its really awesome that we have someone like walcott for him to compete with. And of course once Welbeck can get his shooting right that becomes even better. And I’ve not even mentioned my Akpom. Once that boy gets in there there wont be space for anyone else. Mark my words. People need to appreciate what Giroud brings to the table. And with the way walcott played central I think we’re in amuch better position upfront. more variety. 😉 Hey steve your front 3 a’la barca could be Alexis, Walcott and Chambo. Or that doesnt work for you? hehehe

    This was a really good post. Funny and insightful.

  37. 17highburyterrace says:

    TA, you’ve got mail…and surely you know that I also enjoyed the post. I’ve shared my ideas on Giroud in the past and definitely think he’s a huge part of the current team and that he can improve both his output (goals and assists, you know, for those who measure everything by those numbers…) and his less tangible contributions (giving us that focal point to free up the rest of the attack)… With just a bit more confidence (and swagger) I think he could be a HUGE (or is it “an” huge?…) part of our (continuing) success… The breakthrough must come in the big games (and in front of the nervous home support who attend those matches…) but I think it can happen…

    I’m very busy (and actually away from all ‘puters for a bit…) but I’m also not a little put off by all the negativity around this subject (and others…) in these comments… Also, I cannot follow all the coded talk about transfers so I’ve (more or less) given up on that too… (Gerry, take care of yourself, eh…) At least (most of) the Giroud hate seems based on football ideas (or at least the inherited ideas of the “pundits”…) but the constant trolling (writing to provoke a reaction…) really gets me down… Sign of the times, I guess, and maybe that’s what blogging about the Arsenal IS these days… 😦

    Anyhow, if others are having fun, who am I to stop them?…

    Party on, Laterz, etc…..

  38. Gerry says:

    Well since I wrote yesterday the transfer chatter is hotting up.

    The well respected 7.0am Kick Off, who I think HT knows(?) had a piece on ‘he who name cannot be spoken’, followed up by the Mirror, who took a different angle ….
    and now, on today’s blogspy’s – one Julian Draxler re-enters the fray at a much more realistic price of £30M (rather than the £45m before). Tasty!

    However, it will make that midfield awfully crowded. Indeed the site I looked at, dropped Cazorla in a proposed new look, with Giroud at the helm, you will be pleased to note TA.
    But there will be further discussions going on to be sure, if this one has legs.

    Lots of others with less legs make up the rest. Good news in some cases. I’ll spell this one out just for HT – G R E G O R Y K R Y P C H O V I AC aka Kk is unlike to join Southampton.
    Lack of CL the reason. But we need to be quick as others are after DM’s like they are going out of fashion. In fact I think it was AW who said they were 😀
    We looked to have missed the boat with MS- sorry HT, Schneiderrman, who is going to ‘snub’ Arsenal and go to MU, and Kongdogbia, both really over prices we will not pay.

    West Brom are ‘battling’ us for Ty Ming (the cryptic ‘nice guy from East Anglia’ – who paid off his mother’s debts and bought a new house for them. Good boy, and a half decent LB with pace.)
    I think this is because of past interest, much as I would like it to be different.

    We are in a 4 way fight for Tevez, which as good as means that is dead as a dodo.

    I was baffled on the Cech story as it said he was (i.e. on the 1st of July) out of contract?? I cannot believe that is right because an £11m payment would seem stupid? Mind I think PG is probably right on this one. It has all the hallmarks of Moo-man playing games, just to keep us dangling so we miss out altogether?
    Of course the Jackson M still keeps rumbling on. I am beginning to feel sorry for the guy. I mean he could miss out on his AC Milan job if he is not careful. I really do not think there is any logic in it. They have met the asking price. We haven’t. We will not. Simples!
    The only thing that would change if we got a big offer for Giroud, which is unlikely for a variety of reason, and certainly not in the next few days.

    There you are a full round up, names and all.

    Who’s for JD then????? Me!!!!! Me!!! Me!!
    If only because he can take a half decent free kick.
    He has also scored 2 goals in 28 games, like some one else … ah yes, Hector Bellerin.

    Byeee

  39. Admir says:

    Excellent piece, TA. 🙂 I had a good laugh, thank you for that. However, I have to share what happened last night while Chile and Mexico were playing. My source informed me about another talk between Ollie and Arsene.

    Olivier: Sorry, Boss, I have to ask you something… I just can’t sleep knowing I haven’t scored in the league finish so we had missed on the second spot that was within the grasp. You see, I was destroying every defence in England while we had width in the team but you suddenly decided to play Ramsey on the wing and I couldn’t find space to release a powerful shot anymore. I was…

    Arsene (yells): MON DIEU! Sorry, Ollie, I was watching Vidal scoring two goals. You were sayin’ something about width. Your hips look just fine, don’t worry about what people say.

    Ollie (confused): No, no, Boss! I was talking about OUR width!

    Arsene (with his mind elsewhere): You did it for an hour with…who? Bravo, my boy!

    Ollie (getting nervous): Boss, please, listen to me! This guy Admir was usually writing good things about me… Everything you said to me about my contribution to the team and he had done it since my debut against Köln.

    Arsene (turning off his TV): Admir? What sort of name is that? Someone wanted to name a child after a verb “admire” and lost “e” somewhere? Some way to admire your own kid (chuckles).

    Ollie (getting pissed a bit): How the fukc should I know? Anyway, my point is, he was saying the whole Goddamn thing about our lack of width even before the game against Chelsea. He had even suggested for you to drop Cazorla…

    Arsene (now he’s getting mad and jumping off his sofa): Drop Cazorla?! Is that guy even fukcing sane? I would have rather dropped my first-born from the balcony than Cazorla from the team! Ollie, what did I tell to you and Chez – no more reading of Arsenal-fan pages until our medical staff check the mental health of participants!

    Ollie: Sorry, Boss… In my defence, it was Szczesny’s fault. He was out of fags so he decided to find himself a light read to kill some time off.

    Arsene (raising his eyebrow): I see… Go on.

    Ollie: You see, this guy – who came in my defence after Thierry had said those awful things about me and the rest of the team… He has been persistent with the idea that you should…er…give us more width by playing two natural wingers so I can keep penetrating through the defences across England.

    Arsene (nods): Go on.

    Ollie: Anyway, he has noticed that my last league goal came when I had Welbeck and Alexis on the wings.

    Arsene: Yes but you scored in both games against Villa last season while having just one natural winger next to you.

    Ollie: Oh, he has an answer to that one too. He claims that you should use different approach based on your opponents. For instance, against teams like Hull and Liverpool we can do it by flooding the midfield as they don’t have full-back-winger combination that is impossible to break by Ramsey. Villa are just shite – we had scored eight goals in the league matches against them without Alexis! However, against well-organized teams like Swansea and Chelsea, we need width and wingers on both sides of the pitch so I can have enough space to do my stuff. Remember how I started to make things happen against United after Walcott was introduced?

    Arsene (deep-thinking): Go on.

    Ollie: His point is, we need proper wingers…

    Arsene (confused): Proper wingers? WTF “proper” means in that context? Mr Proper-look-a-like wingers (chuckles again)?

    Ollie (being pissed like against QPR): WHO CARES?! Anyway, I would like you to think about playing me in a way that suits me the best. He thinks the whole transfer window – when it comes to our attack – will revolve around your final thought: am I good enough to lead the attack or not.

    Arsene (smiled): Yes, yes, I think I can see the big picture now and where the problem lies.

    Ollie (relieved): Thanks, Boss! I knew you would understand it! So, what are you going to do? Sign Reus? Sign Sterling? Use…er…current proper wingers to support me and my penetrability?

    Arsene (standing like a big philosopher with his hands behind his back): From where I stand, it’s pretty clear where the problem is. It’s all Wojciech’s fault. If he hadn’t had desire to read some stupid article about you, you wouldn’t have come up with those silly ideas at the first place. So, I will solve your dilemma by signing Čech and selling Chez. Good night, Ollie!

    Ollie (head-butting the wall… The house-keeper arrives on the spot and issues Ollie a red card.)

  40. TotalArsenal says:

    Hahaha nice one Admir! 🙂

    It’s always Wojchiech’s fault. 😀

  41. proudgooner says:

    The premier fixtures are out 2015/16!
    Arsenal Fixtures
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    August 2015
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v West Ham Sat 8 Aug 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Crystal Palace v Arsenal Sat 15 Aug 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Liverpool Sat 22 Aug 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Newcastle v Arsenal Sat 29 Aug 15:00
    September 2015
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Stoke Sat 12 Sep 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Chelsea v Arsenal Sat 19 Sep 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Leicester v Arsenal Sat 26 Sep 15:00
    October 2015
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Man Utd Sat 3 Oct 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Watford v Arsenal Sat 17 Oct 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Everton Sat 24 Oct 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Swansea v Arsenal Sat 31 Oct 15:00
    November 2015
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Tottenham Sat 7 Nov 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    West Brom v Arsenal Sat 21 Nov 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Norwich v Arsenal Sat 28 Nov 15:00
    December 2015
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Sunderland Sat 5 Dec 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Aston Villa v Arsenal Sat 12 Dec 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Man City Sat 19 Dec 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Southampton v Arsenal Sat 26 Dec 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Bournemouth Mon 28 Dec 15:00
    January 2016
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
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    Premier League
    Arsenal v Newcastle Sat 2 Jan 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Liverpool v Arsenal Tue 12 Jan 20:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Stoke v Arsenal Sat 16 Jan 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Chelsea Sat 23 Jan 15:00
    February 2016
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
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    Premier League
    Arsenal v Southampton Tue 2 Feb 19:45
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    Premier League
    Bournemouth v Arsenal Sat 6 Feb 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Leicester Sat 13 Feb 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Man Utd v Arsenal Sat 27 Feb 15:00
    March 2016
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Swansea Tue 1 Mar 19:45
    Show
    Premier League
    Tottenham v Arsenal Sat 5 Mar 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v West Brom Sat 12 Mar 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Everton v Arsenal Sat 19 Mar 15:00
    April 2016
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Watford Sat 2 Apr 15:00
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    Premier League
    West Ham v Arsenal Sat 9 Apr 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Crystal Palace Sat 16 Apr 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Sunderland v Arsenal Sat 23 Apr 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Norwich Sat 30 Apr 15:00
    May 2016
    Show last 5 matches and coverage Competition Fixture Date Kick-off Status
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    Premier League
    Man City v Arsenal Sat 7 May 15:00
    Show
    Premier League
    Arsenal v Aston Villa Sun 15 May 15:00

  42. proudgooner says:

    Great post TA,
    I will comment on it soon, you know i am a big Giroud fan and will add my pennies worth soon i am just studying the fixtures. Chelsea look to have a very tricky start to the season.
    We have a great fixture list imo , well spaced out big matches. So far it is looking very good for us.

  43. TotalArsenal says:

    I like the fixtures too, PG, thanks for posting them. 🙂

  44. allezkev says:

    Does that mean that Adsenal will clinch the Title on May 7th, Total? 😉

  45. allezkev says:

    Arsenal even…

  46. TotalArsenal says:

    5th March would be nice, Allezkevski! 🙂

  47. TotalArsenal says:

    Evening FFGs

    Quick message before I hit the sack. We have new posts by Geoff, Retsub and Marcus. I will issue these one by one as soon as I have time. With a bit of luck first one tomorrow night. 🙂

  48. allezkev says:

    Yeah, 5th March would be superb TA… 😉

  49. Neeraj says:

    Hey TA ! Life has been excellent lately. I passed my 12th grade with 80% marks and a 91 percentile. I have secured admission into a good university in Pune. I’m enjoying my last month of summer holidays and it will soon start raining in India.

  50. TotalArsenal says:

    All the hard work paid off then, Neeraj! Enjoy Uni in Pune! 🙂

  51. geoffchase says:

    Well done Neeraj!!!

  52. Gerry says:

    Just to catch up on yesterday.

    Add my congratulations Neeraj, you had to miss a lot of Arsenal stuff to achieve what you have. Unfortunately for you, it probably doesn’t end there : o()
    Keep at it though, Arsenal will be even stronger when you take your ‘gap year’ after Uni?

    Hi Geoff. Good to know you are still managing to lurk. 😀

    All very quiet on the realistic transfer stuff. I am guessing AW iust waiting for the pieces fall into place before going for his real targets. Many of the headlines at the moment are retelling of old news.

    Still have to wait and see if the Cech signing will happen. £14m seems a lot for a keeper, in AW terms at least, so there may have been some background prodding?
    The other side of that is Ospina being the likely casualty … if it happens?

    Well I was hoping the New Post would appear by now, as there seems to be a limit on how far you can stretch the humour with imaginary conversations 😀
    Nice one Admir

    So I it is back to the racing for me. It is not often you get the full racecard being shown on live tele. I have some catching up to do with my mate though, after the second day he was in the top 100 of nearly 6,000 entries in the competition were in. I am lucky if I get in the first 1000!

    Well, try again tomorrow then ….

  53. Davydavy says:

    Speaking of goalkeepers I really hope we can make a move for Serbian U20 goalkeeper and captain Predrag Rajkovic.

    He’s playing in the Final against high-scoring Brazil tomorrow, and I predict he’ll be worth ten times his current value within about 24 hours. He’s a huge character, a natural leader, and I can only dream of how he might develop at the Arsenal under Petr Cech..

  54. Neeraj says:

    Thanks TA, Geoff and Gerry. Gerry that is true but I have been following Arsenal quite regularly. It might have cost me a few marks too. 😛

  55. 17highburyterrace says:

    Davydavy…. Cheers for the first hand scouting report… Always cool to identify talent in person… I have to say I felt privileged to have seen Cortois keep a clean sheet (with only one real save to make) in front of me in Granada a few years back (as well as just watch him warm up and command his box and work with his CBs…)

    During that time I thought I was seeing a real talent in a young Romanian player named Gabriel Torje…but the local guy who went on to bigger and better things turned out to be the Algerian Yacine Brahimi… Shows what I know…

    Anyhow, that kind of scouting, I think, is far preferable to back page (must click to get a name…) links and youtube compilations…

    In other items: More congrats for Neeraj… 🙂 and TA, you have mail…but also, you are a tease…Where are those posts?!?… 😀

  56. TotalArsenal says:

    New Post New Post 🙂
    Professor Geoff, clearly addled by a bit too much work and just a little too much time checking the latest headlines, pops up from down under with HIS take on the transfer talk. Enjoy. Grain of salt recommended, perhaps, but it leads to some fine questions for further discussion.

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