Arsene holds appraisal with his King of the Key Pass: Mesut Ozil


Gutentag Mesut, wie geht’s mein Sohn?

Tutti Paletti, Arsene, einfach Spitze! Und Sie?

Well, Mesut, I feel wunderbar!

Wonderbra?! J

Mesut, always thinking about the Madchen, hey?! So we are here today to do your seasonal appraisal: how do you think you performed?

Well Arsene, I think I did well since I recovered from my injury, but I don’t think the fans appreciate me enough.

Why do you think that? You are the master in my midfield, creator of space, you run like a gazelle and are the King of the Key Pass in the PL with 3.1 per game – better than Cesci, Silva and Hazards. You won the World Cup with Die Mannschafters and held up the FA Cup twice in twelve months….. You are the dog’s ball-logues mein Freund!!

Ahh Arsene, the fans don’t seem to see it that way and then there are those commentators like that arschloch Owen and Scheisskopf Murphy who keep saying they ‘want more from me’ and that I am ‘not justifying my transfer fee’.

Well, Mesut, they have to say something don’t they. They suffer from small-winkle-syndrome and have to live with a very ‘hard’ reality.

What reality is this?

Well…They have been lucky enough to play in the PL but they realise they were never as good as you are now – their careers are over and they would suck at managing a team…. What is left for them is talking about current players…. And you, mein Sohn, are rubbing it in in each and every game you dance on the live stage. Unwittingly, you are torturing them and they are not having it….The only way to deal with it is to watch the game in silence: mute the brute! J The problem is, the English want to see your bleeding heart pumping outside the shirt, they want blood, guts and tears, with 12 Ray Parlours on the pitch!

Who is he, Arsene?

You never heard of the Pele of Romford?! Mesut, das ist eine Schande! You will need to watch some old footage then. Think of Flamini x 10! Voll mit sturm und drang! But you are never going to be like him, as you are an introvert, a quiet assassin, a schemer and strategist; and I like it! Let’s have a look at your listed objectives for last season.

HMmmm, it only says: ‘Be more Ozil’. What the heck did I mean with that, Mesutski?

Arsene, I thought you were really clever last year when you said that, and now you cannot remember it anymore!

What did I mean with it then?

Du bist einer alter knacker, Arsene! You said ‘Be more Ozil’:

  1. O for Omnipotent: use my eyes that can see all, work my body into a fortress and move all over the pitch to add attacking value everywhere and at any time;
  2. Z for Zealous: show more enthusiasm on the outside, show that I care… Happiness is a warm Gunner and all that Scheisse! [Arsene blushes when hearing this]
  3. I = I: be more selfish: love to assist and love to be assisted: make the net, just like my eyes, buckle by being selfish!
  4. L = Love Mesut…. Be kind to myself…. What the Scheisse ever that meant!?!

Well remembered Mesut and four big, fat teecks. Nice to see you again, have a great summer!

But Arsene, you did not set me any objectives for next season?! I want to be the European King of Assists, and more!!

Well Mesut, be, once again, more Ozil and you’ll become even better. And I suggest you learn a little Owen/Murphy dance for next season every time you produce a King of the Key Pass beauty! Ask Alexis to raise his leg and you’ll do the Limbo for our diminutive, sour commentators… that would be a laugh, hahaha!

Any specific targets, advice, Arsene…please?!

Okay, okay Mesut, I will give you a quote that you will need to learn by heart and repeat to yourself every time one of the dumkopfs feels they can voice their free-like-an-arschloch opinions about you. It is by Robert M Pirsig, from his wonderful book ‘Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance’:

The way to see what looks good and understand the reasons it looks good, and to be at one with this goodness as the work proceeds, is to cultivate an inner quietness, a peace of mind so that goodness can shine through’..

Pffff, Arsene, I get it… be more Ozil.

Yep, Mesut, that is all there is to it.

By Total Arsenal.

17 thoughts on “Arsene holds appraisal with his King of the Key Pass: Mesut Ozil

  • This is a great way to whistle through the tedium of repetitive non-transfers in the, yet to open, Transfer Window. Well done TA.

    However, the usual divisions will continue regarding Mesut Ozil I fear. Being ‘more Mesut’ is hardly a mind changer?

    I have absolutely no problem with Mesut being the assisting hub of the team. In fact Arsene’s problem is getting the balance of players around him right. The reason why the team remained largely unchanged was because he was able to use those available to best effect. That is not going to change in the forthcoming season either. If anything it will get more complicated?

    Much depends on who comes in, and specifically, who they are deemed as suitable partners to the current team. Most praise must go to Santi Cazorla in the last campaign, for the way he adapted his game when he moved deeper. From there he developed a really good understanding with Ozil. If you remember at the end of the previous season TA, you were having doubts. You used the phrase that he had been ‘found out’ by opposition teams. Not forgetting that we have added Alexis to the mix this time, which helped with space, options and support in defence.
    It was unfortunate that Ozil’s best spell coincided with a decline in Alexis’s goal scoring. But slowly they too, have worked in combination towards the end. It should be something on the ‘shock and awe’ level if they can start next season, both at their peak?

    I suppose Ramsey is the first one where the links are not quite right all of the time. Undoubtedly Aaron should thrive on cute passes inside the box that combine with his late runs. Match made in heaven? But there is an inconsistency there that niggles and annoys in equal measure?

    The other one that has not live up to the players surrounding him, is of course Giroud. I am not in the camp that thinks we should ‘improve’ on him. I think he too suffers from perception as much as Mesut does with regards to the reality. He is being asked to work a role that is almost impossible to do in today’s Premiership, where every game is a battleground.
    I hinted at something yesterday that feeds this perception problem, and that is, by having him up front can make it easy for players to simply play the ball up to him, often without bothering to have players busting a gut to support him. The reason can almost be a self fulfilling prophecy, in that they don’t expect him to do much with it?
    Or to put it this way, if a ball is played out to Alexis, there is an ‘expectation’ that something will happen. Because he moves forward quickly, it requires the others to do the same. When he first arrived, Alexis got frustrated because others were not doing what he was doing, getting forward at every opportunity. Gradually the team clicked, and with it his purple patch, culminating in the end, with the added pace of Walcott up front.

    Now I am not that naive to think this combination will work every time. The cloggers of the game will work on something, you can guarantee. But at the root of it all is how well Ozil works with this group of players. Not for one minute dismissing the contributions that Coquelin, Monreal, and Bellerin have added, but the core of our attack, and how successful it will be in the future, is down to the working relationship with each other.

    Two things that AW will be keen to see in pre-season, is how well any replacements fit in. Both from within the squad, and any additions from the TW.

    The answer most certainly is Mesut being ‘More Mesut’, and those around being capable of turning his ‘key passes’ into ‘assists’. If we could be 100% in that department we would be 3 goals up in every game???

    That should be good enough to win us the the title I think?

  • Hmm

    I would say bring in the cast to free Ozil AND make the most of what he has. That comes, for me, to a speedy winger or ore type in behind, and a ultra-tough DM…

    More Ozil tho will suit me, so, the real question is was this just to excite Steve? 🙂

    Cheers — jgc

  • Very good stuff, TA… Clearly you’re having some fun with your languages (French and now German) which must be AW’s two strongest as well… Bucking up the more sensitive players (Giroud and Ozil) to ignore the fans who demand all highlights all the time is probably a bigger part of the job than our manager would like, but there it is… Answering to the trolls (those who claim Giroud and Ozil are the root of our troubles…) probably requires another language entirely… 😦

    In my mind, smart = sensitive, and we’ve got a VERY smart one in Ozil. Like Gerry says, Santi becoming the new Arteta was also a very (very) wise adjustment from another fella who clearly cannot live on his athleticism alone. At the same time we do need some pure confidence and Alexis and Ramsey are the guys for that. Some bigger, more physical types (and outstanding footballers…) in the positions which must go both directions (attack and defense–i.e., the FBs and the DM) seems a key so that we’re not a soft touch on the days the ref swallows the whistle… Giroud does this too (defense at set pieces and the disruption/pressing from the front) but Welbeck and Walcott can both contribute in their own ways here as well. More competition, however–in the form of a confident, clinical and physical spearhead for the attack–wouldn’t upset me too much, either…

    I’m not sure how you get him into the first 11, but I think Jack Wilshere could be the English Ozil (as it were…) and the two together (and spelling one another) could be a truly irresistible brand of football. Of course then we’d need AW to speak a little English–with the manager telling Jack (and his fans…) to mind his manners (no silly cards for retaliation when the bad tackles come…) and not freak out if his starting position is portrayed as out on a flank… Am I wrong or is Jack a bit more determined to do things more decisively (i.e., one touch shooting/passing or a quick touch and shot or pass…) rather than holding onto the ball (as was the big knock on him…) since he’s come back?…

    Anyhow, very entertaining stuff and more Ozil working the spaces and directing the attack (even if the blind and the pissed cannot see it…) is exactly what I’m looking for… Younger players (Jack, Ox, Le Coq, Zelalem, etc.) learning from him is the real gift (which keeps on giving)… So, no German (nor French) for me…but the word I know which comes to mind is “fantasma,” which is Spanish for “ghost.” The fantasy stats (goals and assists) may never be high enough for those who live in that world, but Ozil, for me, IS our fantasma en la machina… At the price we paid, (or his cost in the fantasy leagues…) people who crave disappointment will always find it… Chinganse digo yo (Fuck ’em, I say)…. 😀

  • not even going to bother lol
    how can you begin to dent an argument that says when he performs its all down to his majestic abilities but when he fails its all down to those around him not being up to his standard lol, its simply rose tinted excellence of the highest order lol. I might as well be arguing with a religious fanatic or cult leader lol.
    So i am bowing out of this one, done this dance to death now and i will instead sit back and let you guys enjoy your online Ozil wankfest during this break in the footy, in any case i fear my view on Ozil in which i am the extreme minority would only bring down the mood of an otherwise quite upbeat round of posts and comments.

    For me the performers of this season have been Sanchez, Cazorla, Coquelin, and Koscielny
    Jack and OX both need to stay injury free but both have really impressed me for the time they have been on the pitch.
    Ozil has done alright, nowhere near the level of; the rest of the team needs to revolve around his magnificence lol, but he’s done alright – average
    Ramsey i was quite disappointed with tbh, missing his goals from late runs that gave him a breakthrough season the season before i believe he is the weakest of the bunch in terms of actual football ability and skill.
    But hey what do i know, i just watch the footy and now what i like.

    So no argument being made here at this time, over to you guys and may the wankfest continue 🙂

  • Ray Parlour’s appraisal

    Ah Monseiur Parlour Comment Allez Vous?

    Wassup Cocker, I ain’t eating those bloody frog legs, or those soddin snails nah mate.

    But Ray, may I call you that? You have not been the most successful player in terms of trophies I can change all that.

    Now listen ere mush I don’t mind jogging round the pitch a few times, before me and the guys go down the rub a dub dub. I could train with that Dutch geezer that Rioch invested the kitchen sink in, he ain’t a boozer. But I ant eating no soddin snails.

    But Ray with my guidance you could be the new Pele, you could go on to play for Arsenal for 14 years, win the league 4 times, the FA cup 4 times, you could do the double twice, the Eufa cup winners cup, you could score a 30 yarder in a cup final against Chelsea and be named man of the match in a final against Newcastle. You could go on to be the darling of the Highbury crowd as the unsung hero. You could go on to play for England.

    Ok boss where are the soddin snails.

    But Ray one last thing, when your career is over, no one will remember you.

    Sorry TA couldn’t resist it, I love Ray Parlour.

    Great write up by the way looking forward to more

  • Retsub, over a decade ago now Ray also stood atop an Arsenal bus in celebration, took the microphone and shouted “we’re gonna sing a song now”
    Then proceeded to sing…..
    ‘My old man said be a Tottenham fan, I said…’

    The crowd went wild, his legend was reinforced and continued then afterwards everyone went back to living their lives.

    What a great time that was, if only that kind of celebration from the heart happened these days…….

    😆 😆 😆

  • Well done F11ngers… I now (sic) what I like too… Diffrent strokes, makes for happy wanking, I guess… 😀

    Soooo…avoiding the areas of extreme disagreement…I’ll go the other direction…

    Koscielny’s contribution to the success of the season has gone under-appreciated for too long!!…

    In fact, whenever TA (or Alex) contacts me about my prize (or price…lol) for winning the UMF, I’m gonna request a Koscielny 6 home kit… (And, if we must speak of wankfests…He’s my wife’s favorite player and already I’m picturing her in it….)

    Anyhow, the attempt to rest Kos’ ankles seems to have worked because he made players many observers believed to be pretty average look A LOT better in the 2nd half of the season when he (finally) started playing every match. My guess is that the average gooner, in identifying weaknesses in the team a year ago would’ve pointed some sharp fingers at the BFG and Nacho Monreal, both of whom did just fine once Kos came back into the fold. Buying Gabriel maybe helped also helped clear up the tendinitis (through the beauty of “competition for places”) but LK6 certainly did his part in keeping the mean looking Brazilian on the bench… Ospina should also be crediting plenty of his success to his main mop up man, too…

    But, my friend from the Island, look at what I’ve done there…I’m pointing out how Kos made others better, whilst recognizing that his contribution was THE heart of our turnaround at the rear…. Could this be akin to what Ozil does (more towards the front…) even if it’s in the prancy (girlish?) manner you disdain?…


  • Steve, I wiki’ed Draxxy: He is two footed. Operates mainly on the left wing, or midfield, but can operate on the right. Very good at one-on-one’s.

    Walcott with dribbling skills?

    I can understand him backtracking on the recent rumour, but if he is available below £30m, I think he is well worth a punt?
    My calculations on the spending budget, with all the implications of the wages aside, is like this:
    DM – £20m, but looks like being a tad more?
    Gk – £8, but looks like being £14m?
    CF – £40m
    LW (Drax) – £29m; (Other) £14m
    Misc – £20m

    Top end total – £128.
    Players leaving – £?

    Sounds too much, but take out the striker if AW does not get ‘his man’, then highly doable. Tough it out until the January window, or see who has come through the ranks?
    Talking of that, Afobe might get a start tonight for the Under 21’s … if we have a buy back clause?

  • Retsub & F11ngers…

    Getting some English lads to stand up and take a small fine for talking shite to the team from Middlesex bothers me not at all… And if it makes other gooners happy, it’s worth every penny… Least he could do, really, as he made that much week in, week out and probably blew plenty more in Las Vegas where he went to “not be a smoker”… (Of course, I’m the guy who posted the photo of our Messy smokin’ with his metro-sexual Euro pals on a yacht somewhere in the Med…)

    Gerry, I have been following your analysis of the transfer talk and I do believe we’re in the DM merry-go-round sweepstakes and will be buying (relatively) big. The keeper stuff sounds like classic Moo-ing and Cech will be going elsewhere. Another veteran (Casillas or MUCH better, the Croatian guy from Inter) might be nice but it also seems harsh on Martinez, who did well until that one match up at Stoke… A bigger striker who might provide like for like competition with Giroud is another area where a bargain might be hard to pass up…

    What I don’t get is the idea of a left winger type. I know that there are some who want to reinvent how we play but those people (IMO…lol) are in dream land…Draxler is big (which I know the English fans like…), likes to take guys on 1v1 but he had big injury problems. Whenever I’ve watched him I always think how much slower the team movement becomes when the ball’s at his feet. In other words, he’s not a Hazard or Greizmann… AW passed him up in the window before he bought Alexis–a MUCH better player, who is always fit (or, at least, raring to play…) and who he got for about the same money…Drax is younger, however, I guess… In other words, that ship has sailed… I think… 😀

    Crossed goals ARE exciting but they are also rare…In the current approach it’s the FBs who do most of the crossing but a lot of that is to set up the high angled pull-back to the feet of a CF or attacking mid. Gibbs and Nacho seem pretty good out on the left and Bells + Debuchy would seem good coverage on the right (and we even seem willing to keep the loan game going with Jenks, who, frankly, I doubt has a future at the club)… Santi, against the PTB teams is also not bad at getting to the byline and floating a left footer where it needs to go…

    Anyhow, it’ll all play out, so I’m not clicking on anything where they don’t give out the name of the player…YMMV (Your mileage may vary…) of course…

  • HT, right with you there my man, there is nothing more enticing than a lass in a football shirt, full respect on the purchase for the misses or should i say you 🙂
    As for the comparison between how Koscielny solidifies and strengthens our defense verses Ozil’s same contribution up top i’m not going to comment – lol come on man i am trying not to ruin this Ozil praise post for everyone else lol, stop trying to get me to open my big and ignorant mouth on this post lol. Sufficed to say i see Ozil as pretty much the opposite end of the scale on that type of leadership and thrust linchpin role, but i am not, i repeat NOT arguing my case today lol, you guys have some happy times lol i want this place to stay open during the summer 🙂

  • Santi the new Arteta? I like it. But Jack is the new Fabregas, and I would also like to see more box to box next to Le Coq/new DM in the shape of El Rambo. I still believe Santi is on his way out, but he has done well for us.

  • Where Santi was found out is with his scoring from outside the box. Won’t happen anymore as defenders now do the dog turt dance with him! 🙂

  • Koz needs the BFG as much as the newly wedded Frenchman needs Per. It’s all about balance but Per is our brains and that goes a long way. Guess who Arsene is appraising next? 🙂

  • Gerry, lol Drax has nowhere near the same pace as a Walcott, Sanchez or OX, he reminds me very much of a right footed version of Wilshere with more pace and of course a hell of a lot more height lol.
    Disregard what Wiki says lol, he is right footed mate, he cuts in always when on the left, he shoots with his right, takes pens with his right, passes with his right etc, its like calling Wilshere two footed because he uses his right foot to assist him when dribbling, much the same as Drax does with his left foot.
    I would see Drax as a high scoring, strong, dribbling number ten in that Ozil role – something i would LOVE to see btw lol
    He would be a great addition to the “over 21’s but still pretty much youth-ish” contingent in the squad 🙂
    Nice little up and coming midfield that would be:


    All pipe dreams though Gerry, i don’t see him joining us any time soon, but just for you some Drax porn lol:

  • How many summers now have we been linked with Draxler, Benzemama etc? Any minute now and Higuain and Khedira are brought into the mix….. Oh wait, they are already. Boooring! 🙂

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